a heavy heart because I continue to forget a lesson the Lord has taught me over and over again.
you see, I really really enjoy planning, setting specific, yet very reasonable, goals. and these goals are very, very, very normal...and then God steps in and blows it all to pieces. okay, that might be a bit overdramatic, but you get the picture, right?
I often (conveniently and selfishly) forget that it costs something to follow Jesus.
let's break this apart- for my sake and for your reading pleasure. first of all, it cost Jesus HIS LIFE for us to follow Him. let that sink in. HE bore the weight of the world's past, present, and future sins for US (so we wouldn't have to!) so that we could encounter and know the living God who created us in His image.
second, it is never, ever said in the Bible that following Jesus is a walk in the park. it's not easy. yes, it's not easy because there is persecution, but it's also not easy because as a follower of Christ, we must learn to surrender our idea of what life is like. I've never really grasped what that means until now- when God is prying my plans, goals, and expectations for the future out of my iron grip (in case you haven't noticed, I'm wrestling with Him right now).
it's really quite hard. it's no fun. it means surrendering everything I know and have planned to the unknown. as a typical type A person, that terrifies me. I do not do unplanned. I do not do the unknown. but, I DO do unplanned by me, and planned by God. He has shown me His plan is far, far greater than mine is.
"And we know that for those who love God,
all things work together for good,
for those according to his purpose."
-Romans 8:28, ESV
so, according to His Word, if we are in a relationship with God and walk with Him, everything works together for good. It's not just our idea of what is good for us (trust me, our selfish, narrow-minded ideas are a long shot from the true good), it's 'good.' what is good? HE IS. all things work together because He has designed it so...that He may be glorified among the nations. of course, tragedies happen and bad things are right and left, but that's a result of evil being present in the world. but in the end, Christ wins. He already conquered death- He conquered evil at the cross, when He came back to life!
back to the point... what is our charge as followers of Christ? to make His name be known! His purpose is for those who don't know Him to realize His deep unconditional love for them, and what He has done for them when He took their -our!- sins on the cross!
I guess what He is teaching my heart is this: I have thought that my plans falling through as inherently bad, but what does it matter if what happens in the place of my plans are for His glory and for His name to be made known? after all, my plans are to follow Him for the rest of my life; to seek after His heart until I meet Him in heaven. my heart deeply desires that my life would be a testimony to Him. because of this, I must surrender my plans. because His plans are always better.
"How completely satisfying to turn from our limitations to a God who has none.... For Him time does not pass, it remains.... God never hurries. There are no deadlines against which He must work. To know this is to quiet our spirits and relax our nerves."
-A. W. Tozer
