today, I had my first shift volunteering in the cancer center at Duke Raleigh. I arrived at 8am, still super exhausted from fall retreat this past weekend, and slightly annoyed that I hadn't had time to finish my coffee. but, all of that changed. the first patient that I got to meet did not look like she was battling a deadly sickness. she looked healthier than I am! I sat down to chat with her, and she shared some wise advice with me. her optimism towards everything took me by surprise. they weren't kidding when I heard that the most optimistic and positive folks you'll ever meet will have cancer.
but it didn't stop there. as I walked away from her station, I was overcome with an urge to cry. not the urge to 'let a few tears out' cry, but the urge to weep. this woman did not know Jesus. she looked like someone who I could pass on the street and never give a thought to... and she didn't know the One who can give her hope and peace in this difficult time. the One who has called me close and redeemed me from my multitude of sins and shortcomings. the Holy One who calls me beloved daughter, and calls her beloved daughter.
the following 3 hours was an emotional roller coaster. Jesus broke my heart for every single patient in that room. In breaking my heart for his children there, he showed me a glimpse of His heart and his strong desire to reconcile the lost to him. God showed me a glimpse of His love for His children, even the ones who don't know Him. Y'all, I was moved by how much I loved these patients before I even said a word to them.
I am absolutely exhausted and spent from loving on those patients for Jesus. and that's the first time in a long while that I've been that exhausted from loving and reaching people for Jesus. this is so convicting for me because every night, my exhaustion is from doing things - homework, tasks, readings. why am I not spending the majority of my energy every day reaching lost hearts for the One who created them, died on a cross to know them, and longs to give them grace?
who is your heart breaking for? pray for Jesus to reveal to you those around you that so desperately need the love of the Most High. and LOVE them. carry their burdens for them. show them the unending grace, mercy, hope, peace, and love that we have found in Christ. it's something that I don't do often enough.
"Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.”
-Matthew 9:37-38
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